The Service

     The service we had for my brother was beautiful. We brought some of his favorite things and displayed them. My grandmother and Aunt got gorgeous flowers. I gave the eulogy, as you can see. I managed to give the eulogy without breaking down. I shed a few tears, but I was able to even add a few extra things that I felt impressed to.
     Something you should know is that I am religious and something that I think helped me to give my eulogy is I told Heavenly Father that if He wanted me to give the eulogy that if he would please hug me or send David to, that I would appreciate it. I feel like He did. I'm very grateful for that. I know that my religion has helped me greatly through this. It has been a source of huge comfort.
     I kept hoping and thinking that having the service and seeing my brother's grave would make it real for me...but it didn't really. The grave hasn't been marked yet. As I stared at the grave and thought to myself, "My brother's body is buried down there," I just couldn't make it seem real. Probably half of me believed it was and the other half fought to deny the truth. I feel like I'm still struggling for it to sink in completely. I still wonder when the day will come when it will feel real. It hasn't helped that the most I saw was the unmarked grave. Because he died when at my father's house he was far away from me. I hadn't even seen him for a bit less than a year. It feels like my brother could still be there with my father and that he'll call me and say 'hi' sometime.