How David Died

    The question of what my father said after he told me he had terrible news has gone a while unanswered. That question is how my brother died. After saying why it may become more clear why I've been hesitant to. As a reminder, please still think of my brother in a positive light. We do not know the answers to the many questions his death has brought.
     My fathers terrible news was this, my brother had committed suicide. Of course I didn't want to believe that. For the longest time I cried and asked "how?" before my question became answered. He had done so with a gun. At least such a death would be quick and hopefully painless. One question will never be answered on this earth though. It is one I will always carry with me. That is, "why?"  I have questioned if I even really want to know that answer or not. What I have decided to do though is not blame anyone. I don't think my brother would want me to and making that decision has brought me peace.
     I really wish things could have ended differently. I wish my brother would have reached out or realized how many people were there for him and were reaching out to him. I believe that if my brother could have comprehended how loved he was and how much pain his death would cause that he never would have done this. We all wish he hadn't. We all miss him.
     I do not think less of my brother. I do not know what internal struggle he went through. I do know that he faced trials and I am not to judge him. I am not mad at my brother. What I feel is sadness that he has left me, but I still feel great love. My thoughts of him are fond.
     My brother's suffering has ended and he now rests with our Savior. I believe that Christ welcomed him and made him feel loved. I believe that he is happy now and that I will see him again. I'm grateful that my religion believes that suicide isn't the same as murder. That Christ will be the judge because there are so many factors involved that we cannot understand. I do not fear because I know that Christ is my brother's advocate. I will see my brother again. I have hope and faith which keeps me from feeling despair. I thank my Savior for providing a way for me to see my brother again. I am comforted by my Savior as I know my brother is.